why 2 of my friends are not doing their masters anymore
Graduates' RantBook

Why 2 Of My Friends Are Not Doing Their Masters Anymore

I was worried and I told you guys about how I was feeling when two of my closest friends in school reached out to me almost around the same time last year that they wanted to do their masters. I felt like everyone was moving on. You know, growing; and I was stuck because I did not have the means to do it at the time.

Well, both of them are no longer doing it. The first one dropped the idea because she did not want her rich brother to sponsor it. Apparently, he has a way of biting you on the butt after helping you.

The second one told me that she was no longer pursuing it, after buying her registration form and everything, because… wait for it… her parents want her to get married first!

In her own words, “They said I should forget about it. That when they asked me to bring husband I refused!”

People of God, this is someone that is not even in any relationship! The smart and beautiful CEO of a small perfume company!

Whether she goes to school now or not, by next year she will be older. Besides, do her parents know if her husband is in that school? If going to school is how she was supposed to meet him?

I told her this and babe was just livid! She did not care about anything anymore. She said, “Leave them na. Na so me and them go dey this house. Dem never see anything!”

The story is not different from mine.

If you guys remember, my father said I am not supposed to do my masters until I am married. His reason was that a woman who has her Masters Degree would intimidate men and make them afraid of approaching her for marriage. And as a woman, what achievement do you have if you do not have a man you call husband, right? And do you want to become an old woman with no man to call her own? No husband and no children? You will go and do your masters in your husband’s house!

An now, my cousin finished serving in April. She has been actively searching for jobs and I send her links all the time. Last week, she called me, explaining that she got an unpaid internship position that will last 3 months but she does not have money to transport herself there. I asked if she had told her mom. She had. And guess what her mother told her: that if she does not marry Richard (one guy that wants to marry her that she does not like), she (my cousin’s mother) would “remove her hand” from my cousin’s matter.

I was shook, mehn!

This is sad. That in 2019, people still think like this. As a woman, your brain and all the amazing things it can do mean nothing if you are not bearing the name of a man that is not your father. All your achievements are not really anything if you do not have a marriage certificate. Just why?

I had resigned myself to my father’s words but not anymore. THANK GOD FOR MY MOTHER!

We will not be waiting to have the society’s oh-she-is-married approval before we blossom and bloom.

So if God allows me to be granted admission, somehow I will go to school. And I will marry when the husband comes along.

Till then, we are going to grow, people! We can only get better abeg!

I am a Nigerian graduate documenting the perks and pains of being a graduate without long leg in Nigeria; while also contributing her quota to make the world a better place. Lets be friends on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. You'll find me there as Naijafreshgraduate.

18 Comments

  • notesfromb

    This is beyond appalling. I can’t believe that parents still think like this.
    You shouldn’t put your life on hold to fit into any man’s criteria.
    I hope your friends realize that they gave their life to live and do what pleases them. You only live once and they should by all means live it to the fullest with any restrictions

  • Ada & Her Tune.

    Sigh. It’s disappointing that people still think women have to shrink themselves and put their ambitions under the carpet in order to look ‘desirable for marriage’. I’ve hears of women who earn good money and buy themselves nice cars but still use public transport, because they don’t want to ‘chase away men’. It’s sad and annoying. What’s even more annoying is that some men have this mindset, that if a woman is well to do then she won’t be ‘submissive’ in marriage. In their minds submission is being a doormat and swallowing any type of behavior.
    Lol like marriage will make a Masters degree easier to attain. It’s way better to do school as a single person without all the responsibility of marriage.

    • Naijafreshgraduate

      I think so too, honestly. It’s not the one that you’ll be writing your final exams and be thinking of your sick child. Or wondering if your kids are fine or not. Not cool at all!

      Thanks for reading, Ada.

  • simplenaijagirl

    Wow my mouth was open as I read this. I’m grateful for your mom. Nigerians have ways to go with the way we think. What I’ll say is this – my mother was raised by Muslim parents who wanted to give her away to marriage at 12 to some old Alhaji. If she could get an education up to a master’s degree, anyone can. You gotta fight and work hard for what you want. In my mother’s case it cost her a lot, but now she’s a QUEEN.

  • Amaka

    Wow to this whole post! And you were comparing yourself to them oh. Just wow. The second friends’ situation is just sad. Having parents with the wrong mindset can really set one back when it comes to making strides in key places like academic and other achievements. When you now marry, they’ll be asking for grandchildren and womb watching. You then get pregnant and suddenly your career and educational development has to be put on a backburner while you focus on family. Nahhhh. You have the rest of your life to be married, why not just cherish your singlehood for goodness sake?! These parents sef, and they go to church o! I hope God leads them to have a change of heart

    http://www.mindofamaka.com

    • Naijafreshgraduate

      Amen o. May they have a change of heart and let their daughters’ dreams soar, with or without a man. It is well jarey

    • Naijafreshgraduate

      Awww! Thanks Belinda ☺. I missed you tooooo!

      And subscribe if you haven’t already. That way, you’ll always get notification.

  • Ozioma

    Whao! This is sad. Honestly, thank God for your mom. Some many young ladies have to deal with this everyday.

    There’s too many unhealthy bias about women in our society.

    What I’ll say is this shrinking yourself to fit into some societal idea of a “marry-able woman” is a dissservice not just to others but to yourself. Plus any man that can be intimidated by what I have or don’t have is not my portion. Cos it’s as though my success is allowable only to the point why he isn’t intimidated.

    Anywayssss…. I’ve missed reading your posts. Well done 💜

    • Naijafreshgraduate

      Exactly, just like CNA said. That any man who feels intimidated by your success is exactly the kind of man you don’t want to have anything to do with in the very first place.

      I’e missed you as well. 😉😉

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