Corpers' Lodge,  Journal

Why Matchmaking is the 51st Shade of ‘Don’t!’

Matchmaker, Matchmaker,
Make me a match,
Find me a find,
catch me a catch
Matchmaker, Matchmaker
Look through your book,
And make me a perfect match

–Fiddler on the Roof

Kenard is my boyfriend’s (I need to find another name to call him. Saying ‘my boyfriend’ all the time is too one kind. How about the man?) cousin. I met him a little over a year ago and our friendship blossomed.

A while later, I introduced him to my friend, Ciara, and subtly match-made them.

A few months later, I looked at their relationship like:

because they were so amazing together and the way they flowed with each other and seemed so perfect got me blushing like a pleased fairy godmother:

Fast forward to a few months back. I had dusted my hands and congratulated myself for a job well-done. All that was left was to make sure that I was still going to be the maid of honor at the wedding when I realized there was trouble in paradise.

Thus the inspiration for this post: reasons why you should never play the matchmaker for your friends!

1. You alone are the judge and jury.

I mean that literally.

Whenever there was a problem, when one refused to pick calls from the other; or when one suspected the other was cheating; or when one somehow made the other cry, I was the one they would tell.

I was forced to sit and listen,

even though I was not interested at all and I had my own relationship issues to deal with.

That period ehn, Joro had nothing on me. I was the king of relationship advice!

2. The risk of losing both friends.

Through it all, what scared me the most was the thought of losing one or both of them if I was even slightly inadequate.

Sometimes, even though they wanted me to, I just couldn’t pick sides and I absolutely couldn’t be indifferent either.

At some point, all I could wish for was for them to be broken up already, so that I would rest. It was so devastating!

3. The fear of them making up.

See, if your friend ever comes crying to you over something their partner did, just comfort them and never say a word against the offender. If you do, you’ll look like the fool by the time they make up. This is a fact!

There were times that, hard as I tried, I slipped and said something for or against the one in the presence of the other.

And there lay my fear of them making up! I was afraid they would laugh at my foolishness like:

So I was always looking at them like:


Needless to say, they broke up.


I consoled her with a hug,

But my joy knew no bounds.

I was so happy that I had a party!

And I’m never matchmaking ever again!




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