Must I Wait for a Man Before My Life Begins?
I’m pained. I’m vexed. And I’m sad. Let me tell you why:
My little sister asked me with excitement to guess which university my parents want her to go. She is in SS2.
I guessed right. It’s a new private university very close to where we live. And their school fees per semester is enough to cover my fees from my first year to my last year in school, with enough change for pocket money. No jokes!
I laughed at the fees and jokingly said to my father that since he had enough money to pay that kind of fees, then there should be enough to allow me get a second degree in law, or a Master’s in journalism. He laughed but his words broke my heart.
My father stated, matter-of-factly, that the only thing he would give to any daughter of his is a first degree after which she MUST bring a husband home. Any further schooling will be taken care of by her husband.
To say that I was shocked is an understatement!
You see, my older sister got married when she was still serving, like I am now. My father was thrilled! And so that has become the yardstick for all my father’s daughters. He wants me to get married before my life begins. Simply because he believes that if I get a masters, men will be scared of me and I might never get a man!
I was angry. So I asked him, what if I do not get a man, I should waste at home, waiting for a man to come and permit my life to begin? His yes wouldn’t have been louder if a speaker had been held to my ears!
I’m disappointed!
But there was hope, because my mother did not agree with him. She even offered to put me through school if she is able to. See why I love this woman and why I should thank her?
But even at that…
Am I supposed to beg someone to marry me? Or just forget about furthering school? Or try and do it any way I can and ignore his ridiculous point of view?
I’m angry. And for a minute I was determined to do it on my own, with my mother’s help of course, and not give him a dime when I make dough! 😡 😡
Naijafreshgraduate
I am a Nigerian graduate documenting the perks and pains of being a graduate without long leg in Nigeria while also contributing her quota to make the world a better place. Lets be friends on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. You'll find me there as Naijafreshgraduate.
35 Comments
Red
I know this feeling. I think I did a post on it last year. Very often, people you love and look up to will disappoint you with thier opinions of who you should be. The older you get, the more you are made to feel like nothing you achieve is worth anything if you don’t have a husband. It’s the world we live in. Maybe one day, we will be seen as more than just wives but as people who contribute to our communities with or without a man
NaijaFreshGraduate
😢😢😢😢
Deshi Nenkinan Nehemiah
Welcome to Nigeria. Abeg get PhD sef. Any man intimidated to marry you isn’t worth it
NaijaFreshGraduate
That’s what I told him… But he twisted his mouth like I was saying trash and stubbornly ignored my pleas
SOMGOLIBE
Awwn… I féel your pain
But even though I don’t have words of advice to offer in a circumstance as this, I want to say that you should put in your best to whatever you are doing at the moment, when you start soaring, he will refuse to remember that he ever said this!
NaijaFreshGraduate
I feel like plotting a revenge. Oh… e dey pain me! 😢
SOMGOLIBE
😂😂😂😂😂😂
cliquetalk
Lool… You don’t want to give him a dime when you make dough? Biko where is ur Christian heart?
NaijaFreshGraduate
On a break😡
cliquetalk
Hahaha
NaijaFreshGraduate
😢
kieratypes
You are so strong and determined. Hopefully writing this and sharing can focus you even more. You control your life and happiness, a man can add to your happiness, but not bring it if you are not already happy. Do what you need to, don’t shrink yourself so you appeal to men. The right one for you will admire you for your education. Your father only wants the best for you, he thinks you need to be married to be happy, but you need to follow your own path. Good luck
NaijaFreshGraduate
You are right. Thanks so much
mothersofgreatness
I wonder why they always have these ideas in their head. It is well. I nominated you for the Liebster Award. https://mothersofgreatness.wordpress.com/2017/12/22/the-liebster-award/
NaijaFreshGraduate
😁
Thank you so much
cravejadeblog
Typical Nigerian mentality 🙄 For me, it’s my own educational and career success first o
NaijaFreshGraduate
There’s nothing more annoying than this. I still get angry when I think about it 😡
Esthitude
Hey dear, I guess it’s a normal Nigerian mentality. Don’t get angry jare, try to save up during NYSC to get your MSC application form, I’m sure He will come around when he sees you’ve been given admission or you can get a job and do your M.Sc part-time (i sometimes think, M.Scs are overrated).
Cheers to living the life of your dreams.
Esthitude.
http://esthitudeplace.com/
NaijaFreshGraduate
Thanks a lot.
pase omobolanle
Your father has the Nigerian mentality quite alright but if your are really serious about your education you can get a job after your NYSC and use the money you get from the job to sponsor yourself.
heygirl
Lmfaooo. I can so relate! 😒😒 It’s v. annoying. But all that is in their pocket, as far as I’m concerned, I must have a LIFE before I become a WIFE. 👌
NaijaFreshGraduate
Gbam!
selviafei
I am surprised 😨 don’t know what to comment in a minute.. well, your father definitely want your happiness, he just don’t realised how to make you happy.. it’s your own life, give your best effort to reach your dream and show your happiness to your father.. 👍😁
NaijaFreshGraduate
Lol… Coming from a different cultural mindset, it’s totally normal that this is confusing for you. But this is our reality here. Thanks Selviafei
selviafei
Oww ic2.. anyway wish all the best for you 😁
NaijaFreshGraduate
Thanks again😊
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Treasure
It’s sad when the loved ones around have the same mindset with people who don’t. Your sisters life is not the same as yours, her future is different from yours. A wise person once told me pursue your dreams and don’t be afraid of finding a man, the men who dream just like you will find you.
NaijaFreshGraduate
Word!
Thanks, Treasure
Treasure
You are welcome darling
Treasure
I followed your blog so I don’t miss any of your amazing posts
NaijaFreshGraduate
Awwwn🙈 Tanchu many much…
I followed you back already
Treasure
Thank you love
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