Yesterday, I made a post on NSG. It was the story of the reason I had forgiven myself in this post. Since yesterday, I have thought a lot about it. After that incident, I could not pray. For week I walked around in a shadow. My days and nights were gloomy and I couldn’t look myself in the mirror, because I couldn’t bear the sight of me. Regardless of how I told that story on NSG yesterday, to me that episode was not funny. Frankly, I hated myself for it, for so long. It took a lot of time before I could gather my shameless self to face God. And when I did, I felt unforgiven for a longer time. I couldn’t go to church on Sundays and I ended up messier that I had begun. It was tiring.
Somehow, God found me, or I found him, I don’t know. That is one of the reasons I enjoy Travis Greene’s He Waited. It touches me in sensitive places, honestly.
So even though that narrative is something I am not proud of, I can face it because I was forgiven and I learned to forgive myself. Unlike a few days and weeks after the incident, I can pray. And I know that it can no longer count against me. So I am happy. Because I am not unforgiven!