Corpers' Lodge

My NYSC Experience: Azaya (4)

MAZI!…
I make bold to say, that Mazi! is the most confident human being I have ever met face to face. For example, during the run-up to the Mr Macho competition, Mazi! once came to lament in the room about how no guy in his platoon was buff enough to compete for Mr Macho. We then teased him about why he couldn’t represent his platoon then. Like play like play, Mazi! said he would.
Now, this guy is not even buff. He has absolutely no abs. I even have more abs than Mazi! but he was so confident that he was able to convince his platoon members to let him represent them. We also had another room mate who was also contesting for the Mr Macho and the guy himself admits that he has never done such contests before and so he’s not very confident and knowledgeable in these things.
This guy is someone who’s buff and well-shaped o! any time they go for their trainings on how to walk and pose and all that, he’s always reporting that Mazi! was the most confident of them all. No stage fright, no body consciousness at all. I’m sure he imagined himself to be one Adonis, LOL!
When we tease him about how he couldn’t possibly win the contest with his flat body like that, he’d reply that at least he won’t come last. He will say “Igbo man no de ever carry last.”
On the day of the contest, Mazi! came last. I mean, dead last. Out of all the 10 contestants, Mazi! was 10th position. It was so hilarious that day in our room. Even the other roommate that came second didn’t get as much attention in our room that day as Mazi! We laughed at him to no end and funny enough, he never took offence. I don’t think I ever saw Mazi! offended by anything all through our stay there.
Oh! And then the lies…
Once when we were discussing about how some ‘Corpers’ go to their PPA and impregnate local girls there and how it portrays every one of us in a negative light, Mazi! interjected and said he’s not bothered about that one. That he plans to impregnate at least 21 local girls before the end of the service year. We asked why and he said that many years ago, one ‘Corper’ from the north once came serve in their village, and that by the end of the service year, he had impregnated 13 girls and had run away. He said he plans to take revenge on behalf of his people by impregnating 21 girls, due to inflation and all that. We laughed and laughed but Mazi! insisted that he was serious and that he’d do it and nobody should try to convince him otherwise.
Some evenings and on Sunday mornings, we go out to play snooker at the mami market but if you go alone with Mazi!, forget about convincing anybody that you won him. Mazi! will brag about how he won you every single game and even you yourself will doubt whether you won one.
Mazi! finished from a Polytechnic in Imo state, but he told us one time that when they were introducing themselves in their platoon and everyone was saying University of this or that, even the fine girl he was eyeing in his platoon, he decided to say he finished from Imo State University. According to him “Igbo man no fit carry last na.”
With Mazi! you can hardly tell if he’s being serious with his tales or whether he’s just entertaining you; because everything sounds funny coming from him. He’s the kind of person that would tell you “I have cancer” and you’d start laughing because it will sound funny.
That was how entertaining he was.

I am a Nigerian graduate documenting the perks and pains of being a graduate without long leg in Nigeria; while also contributing her quota to make the world a better place. Lets be friends on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. You'll find me there as Naijafreshgraduate.

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