How My Village People Killed Me Three Times!

Some days, you wake up singing Bruno Mars’ Lazy Song. Other days, you are set for the day, ready for whatever life throws your way… James Bond mood activated. On some other luckless days, your village people are on your case like desperate attorneys, they would plan coup to dethrone you from your life. Yesterday was one of those days. I’d gone to bed telling myself not to sleep and forget that Buhari is still not back but somehow, my village people managed to rewind time in my sleep and I was back to May 2015. I woke up by 8, when I should be resuming work. Village people 7-0 NFG.

One of the things I hate to do with passion hot enough to fry akara is laundry. I HATE doing laundry! So I keep postponing it till I don’t have clothes to wear. I’d told myself I was going to wash that morning, no matter. They weren’t many, because I had washed a few days back but had soaked the whites and the bedspreads together. I needed the detergent to reduce the work for me. Village people had succeeded in making me wake up late. I was not going to let them keep me from washing so I got on with it. Village people 7-7 NFG.

By the time I finished washing, had my bath and was ready to leave the house, it was 9am. I was glad I didn’t take longer so I hurried to the office which is just a five-minute walk from my room. I got to work immediately, surfing the net for materials, writing and, of course, cracking brain. But, you know there is something about reading and how fast it empties your stomach. It’s like magic. So it came to pass that I was hungry. I should have resisted the urge for a few more minutes. If I had obeyed the voice of the angel that kept telling me to tame my stomach, my boss wouldn’t have come back to meet me eating and watching a movie on my PC. In. the. Office! “So while other people are busy working, NFG is busy eating and watching film? Issokay,” I heard his eyes yell. Village people 49-7 NFG.

My village people were not done with me yet. Sometimes, you get tired and you just need that 10 minutes sleep that feels better than hours of sleep, energizing your weak head and body. I needed that a few hours later. So I turned my PC off and rested my tired head on the headrest behind my neck. That 10 minutes sleep felt like I’d just had a refreshing night rest when I woke up. But I did not understand why my colleagues were laughing when they saw me awake. Then they explain. The reverend father while going out had looked into our office, seen me sleeping and left shaking his head. Aye mi o! Only me today? Village people 700-7 NFG.

That evening when he got back, he did not peep into our office before heading to his room. He would have seen me, seriously engrossed in writing. Enyi went in to tell him she had sent her most recent task to his gmail address. The others went in to tell him one thing or the other. But I did not have anything to tell him, so I just sat there, still working. His assumption would be that I had already gone home. Village people 7000-7 NFG.

Village people why? This is the beginning of another month, salary should be coming in anytime soon. But here I am, misbehaving anyhow. See my life!


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